I was perfectly fine yesterday, until about 12am or so. Then something just completely brought me down. I have no idea what it could be, maybe just those random depressed feelings I get at the beginning of every fall. Which sucks, because I absolutely adore Autumn, it is my favorite season by far. However, I do not want to let this get me down, I MUST keep drawing and producing and getting better. I think I've let plenty of years pass where I completely shut down through the Winter, and I'm DONE with shutting down, I barely got back into my groove and it's already faltering. It's retarded.


Also, what's up with DA? It's practically dead there. Or maybe the art I'm producing right now is just complete crap. I'm not popular by any means, and all favorites make me happy, even  if it's just one... But it seems like a slap in the fact when I usually get 20 or so, and I'm getting like... 3. At least someone likes my art though, right? I guess I'm not giving it my all or something. I'm sorry sweets, my art can't be beautiful all the time.

But yeah... I did lose a friend a good 5 years ago around this time(lose as in she died), and I believe I've gotten over it, but that may be just one thing that my heart is currently mourning. Either that or I just really need to get hip on my art again. xD I've been angry at it a lot recently, but I'm ALWAYS angry at it. Oh well...


Gonna shut up now, this is turning into just blathering.

<3

Been trying to keep stuff like this, especially when talking about my place of work, away from DeviantArt. I don't mind ranting about some stuff there, but since there might be the ODD happening that one of my coworkers or some such might wander upon my Deviantart, I might as well keep the less coothe things here in effort to keep it from their eyes. Plus, my Deviant Watchers don't need to see how bitchy I feel over my place of work. It's really none of some of their business. (That sounds weird) and I mostly only have friends watching me here, so, yes.

That being said, I've need to rant for a good three to four months now, but I have a habit of biting my tongue and ignoring it when work is involved. Don't ask me why, I have no idea why on earth I would do such a thing. Perhaps because I'd sound like a whiny bitch if I were to lay all my complaints, bitches, and rants down every time they arise. (Which is quite often, thus...) This more than likely isn't going to make a whole lot of sense, be nice, or even be coherent in and of itself. It's more of me getting things off my chest rather than being a journal in which I look for comments. Comments are appreciated, but... Not the point of this post. ;3

( Rant Under Cut )

<3s Syan

I've been having slight dillemas as far as my characters go, lately. Ones that I either formerly RPed, or RP now but I'm not happy with their relationship status. A few months ago, one of my characters, Altair, lost his girlfriend, which belonged to a friend because she decided that she wanted to use said character more, and since we hadn't played them that much they should break up. I agreed, kindly, because hell, no need for me to get bitchy. But I didn't tell her how much it broke my heart to do so. I really enjoyed and cared for their relationship. Hell, I drew art for her of them. Put my heart into it. So I'm still not sure what to do with the character. ^^; Guess I'll figure it out as time goes on.

The other character is my character Lune, which is paired with a friend of mine's character. They've been together a good few years now. But they also haven't been RPed in all that time. We've talked about restarting it, but it never happened, and with her almost never on MSN anymore, I don't foresee it happening. Plus, I've not the drive to RP Lune with her, because of how she feels when I draw things from my story about Lune that come quite honestly, thousands of years before the RP starts. (Lune is an old bastard, he just doesn't look it. Yay for imortal blood) So... I'm not sure what to do. Just grin, and figure things out, or break them apart once and for all. >:

Any ideas?

I completely forget to use this damn journal sometimes. All my personal thoughts go up on DeviantArt, Y!Gallery, and Furaffinity, rather than me posting them here where it's much more private. Though, I can't agree with people on said sites yelling that an Art site isn't the place for personal thoughts, rants, and break downs. We are given journals on there to be used however we want. And honestly, you can't always draw, cry, or physically remove the feelings that plague you. Sometimes writing is the only way, and not everyone has the time to manage more than one site. Sure, it's an art site, but that doesn't make an artist any less of a person, or emotionless. If anything, artists (all artists) are more emotional than many groups of people out there. They need to find a way to express themselves, if not in music, paintings, photos, or drawings, then in written words. It can be rants, poems, or even stories.

At any rate, I do plan to use this place more, perhaps post more of my artwork here (the doodles at any rate) when I start drawing more. Inspiration is a fleeting thing lately. Evil, evil. But I am hoping that the artxchange helps me start getting into it a bit more again, as well as Fandemonium. Though I'm not completely sure if my girlfriend and I have a table or not. O_o; Guess we will see.


... As fangirlish as it may seem, I would love to change my layout to a WoW one. Anyone know how to do that? I've been having problems finding any good themes or tutorials...

( [picture under the cut, darlings] )</div>